*opens the book carefully*
Finally, I draw closer to my time to meet the trainer again!! I may be a bit...lax in my training most of the time, but I am trying to work hard. I really want to be a great rogue someday.
I have talked with Ryann again-he has met a rather nice woman named Ffion. I hope they are good for each other; and I hope that Ryann will not pull away from me. I do still enjoy his company, as a friend, and I do not think he knows all that many since he has moved here. I would hope he doesn't close off one of the few friends he has.
It has been awhile since I last saw Jay, but Will says that he will be back and about soon. It seems that everytime I do see him, I must leave quickly. My time around my friends has been short lately, and for that I am very sad. I have always enjoyed the company of some of the most nobleist people I have ever met-and I find that lately I cannot be with them. Perhaps I shall have more time in the future.
I've not seen Gryland in a very long time-I wonder where he has gone? I hope he is ok-he is like a brother to me, and I worry for him when he is gone for so long.
I've written a new song, that Kracky requested I write for Gwen. I haven't had a chance to sing it for both of them yet, but I really want to soon-I think they will both enjoy it, at least, I hope they do!!
I'm thinking about selling the Weapon Primative I won the guild writing contest. I could definately use the plat for potions. But still, I kind of want to save it, maybe for later. I have always been the one for hoarding treasures!!

Til next I find time...

*blows on the ink and closes the book gently*

I think I shall forever be haunted by the decision I have made...Perhaps I was meant to have neither of them, perhaps I was meant to be alone all my life...

I am so tired of leaving bleedng hearts behind, of feeling remorse for all the past decisions I have made. I hardly want to reach out anymore, for fear that I might cause someone more pain in the future. Why do I do such things? Back home, I was the gentle heart, the one everyone could talk to about their troubles. Now, I find I am the one who needs to talk to others about troubles. Whatever happened to me? Why have I changed so much upon coming to this land of Valorn?

I am sorry, Ryann, for the pain I have caused you, and I am sorry Jay for the hoops I put you through.

*sighs thoughtfully*

So much has happened...in such a short time...

I found myself still torn by the decision...but as Jay began to walk away, saying he wished to cause me no more pain, I realized that my heart would leave with him. And so, I choose him....and my heart soared at the thought, filled with joy. I still feel bad for what I had done to Ryann, but I do not truly believe it is all my fault. All of us were caught, and it was a most treacherous trap. But now, I have decided, and I shall stick to that decision firmly.

I also talked to Sephoroth today-he seemed much better today. The last time I saw him, he was soaking wet outside of Dundee Inn. At that time, I was rather busy, so all I could offer him was a dry cloak before I left. He seems much more..at peace now, less confused. I hope that he gets fully better soon-to be so torn up is such a dreadful feeling.

*closes the book gently*

*opens the journal with a faint smile on her face*

I am not sure, but I think I am closer to my decision...the decision about which man I shall choose....

Jay talked to me more today, but when I heard the words he said, I couldn't help but begin to cry. He....he was so kind....he felt bad about tearing me up this way...and I just didn't know what to do. He comforted me, he even gave me a ring of hope earlier, but, I don't know that I can accept it, in all fairness. Jay is so sweet and thoughtful, yet...something keeps drawing me back to Ryann. I see Ryanns face, his hesitant smile, his green eyes.....and I think of how bad he also feels, for what he is putting me through, and how hard it is for him to get close to me, knowing that I may not choose him. He gave me a lovely silver bracelet. How can one choose? Both these men are noble and sweet, but I must listen to my heart. And although I find it difficult to listen to it at times, I think I can hear it speaking out now.....

*sighs sadly as she opens the notebook*
I feel so lost and confused......I've just been wandering around, trying to wrestle some sense out of my heart.....

I went to dinner with Jay today, in Kilican. He was quite the gentleman, buying my food, setting up a candlelit table. I...was overwhelmed by it all. He is so kind and gentle, and thoughtful too. He gave me a hairclip and a pair of earrings....but I am so torn. Ryann also cares for me-he even turned down another who loved him, in favor of me. What am I to do? Ryann is noble, sweet and truly seems to care for me. But Jay seems to care for me too. How can I ever decide? I don't wish to harm someone, as I did when I left the lands for awhile....

Will talked alot with me, tried to get me to sort out my feelings a bit. I...think it helped, but I am truly not sure. This decision is so hard....and I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice. My heart is too gentle to bear such pain...I'm afraid it would break......

*damp splotches smear the ink faintly*

*sighs faintly as she opens the book*

Well, another interesting day!

I finally saw Gryland again-though, I know not where he has been. He is offering to bestow nobility upon me, which I dare not deny. He is such a dear friend, like the brother I never had......always so thoughtful and kind. It is always a pleasure to sing a song for such an appreciative soul.

I met Ryann Forestre again. He...he offered to buy me a dinner sometime. I accepted-I don't know if this shall mean anything in the future, but I hope to enjoy that dinner sometime soon.

I was bombarded by messenger birds while I was at Dundee Inn, resting for a bit. A young lady named Corkle was telling me of her interest in becoming a rogue. We talked for a bit-she seems to truly have her mind set! I hope that she understands what she shall be entering, and finds a sponsor soon.

Also, a young man named Jay Copeland sent me a message. He said he had heard my name around. I begin to wonder if I am becoming quite a well known singer! He had heard of my reputation as a singer, and we talked for quite awhile. Longer than I realized! He said I was quite a lady, and that I was so charming. He offered to go for a walk with me sometime, and I said I would. Such attention I have never truly had before! Two men in the same day after me!I played a song for him-Fated Lovers-at some guild hall he found. It was truly beautiful there-and Jay was so kind. I even played another song-Finally Safe-Because I enjoyed the company and the setting. I'm off to sleep now. resting in the tent he set up for me-as he sleeps outside!

*opens the journal with a smile*
Well, much has happened today!

At first, I just kind of roamed around, maybe popping into the Inn to see what was going on. After helping a man named Coral into the lower sewers, I ran into a young initiate named Ryann. He asked to get me a drink at the Inn, and I accepted, as there was not much to do. The whole time I was there, he kept staring into my eyes!! I kept blushing because he was so generous in his compliments! But...I rather like getting that attention. I'm still a bit shy, but it is nice to feel so...pretty, and lovely. I don't really know what to do, but I hope to see him again.

Today, I also comforted Mae, who was a bit sad, thinking of the loss of her bonded. I tried to help her best as I could, telling her of some of my own troubles. I don't know if it helped, but I hope she felt a little better.

Sephoroth told me a most harrowing story...one I shall not repeat. I tried to comfort him too-it must be my day for listening to others troubles! I couldn't understand him most of the time, but I offered to listen if ever he needed a kind person to listen. He still was troubled, but perhaps I helped a bit....

Will gave me a lovely ice crystal after I sang at the Inn today. I put it on a leather string so I can keep it close to me always. Tis most lovely to look at...and it catches the light nicely.

Will also helped me get out the mountains to the east, where the cannon shot me. Emma Darkstorm came to help too-Will scared the beasties, so they didn't want to attack him!!

Until next time....

*sighs and opens the notebook*
My...it has been a few days since I've written. Not much has happened since then, besides continuing to get used to being in a guild. Also, it is nice to finally feel special-I have the gifts of a rogue, to use to help fight for justice and peace in our land. I have grow less shy around everyone, as I have discovered that not so many people here are unkind. Any unkindness I have seen has been accidental, and is quickly resolved. It is amazing that all the people here are so noble and willing to help, that it is impossible to find myself shy around them anymore. I still get a bit nervous when I'm in a crowded Inn, but I manage better now than I ever did before.
I do wonder where Gryland has gone....he has been missing for quite a while. *frowns* I hope everything is alright, and that he isn't hurt somewhere...
Will says I've started a bit of something by giving him that wildflower I found the day I became a rogue *grins* Evidently, others have given him roses and such now!! Maybe I've started a new trend?? *laughs*
Well, until more happens...

*opens her note book eagerly*
I'm sorry I haven't put events down in here-so much has happened in such a short time!! I found myself a bit overwhelmed by it all-but now I have time to put it down.

The other day, Lucy sponsored me into rogue-dom. It was so exciting! Finally, I am getting strong enough to help out others-and to cause a little trouble as a rogue *grins* We went down in the tunnels, and then I took my first ride on the cannon. That was quite a ride! I was afraid I might explode, but I landed safely in the plains. I hope to do Lucy proud in being a rogue.

Also, I was accepted into the Order of the Sword and Stylus!! Yulan and everyone in the guild was glad to have me join-it felt like I finally had a place, like I found a family again. Everyone there is so wonderful and helpful-I know I've found my place. I hope to help the guild grow strong.

Well, I should probably go off to train a bit-I may be a rogue now, but that doesn't mean I can just slack off!!

Til next time....

*flips open to a new page*
Today...I finally beat the Sea Dweller Death Lord!! I still have to train a bit more, but the hardest part is finally over. And, I even did it all alone! I was scared when I first got to his cave, but once I started to fight, I knew I would win. My determination was greater than his strength.

I have not seen Gryland in a while-nor Tusonee either. I wonder if they fare well?? I'm sure they are fine-they are much stronger than I am-but still, I always worry about the ones I care for. Also, it has been awhile since I saw Lucy. I hope she pops up soon-I'm almost ready to become a rogue!!

Before I went down in the caves today, I saw the sun rising out over the waves of the ocean. When I first returned, I was unsure if I would still have a place in Valorn. But as I saw those rays of sunlight breaking on the water, I knew I was home. I felt so at peace, so comforted as I looked across the ocean, that I knew I would stay here always. And I would try my best to protect this land that has come to mean so much to me.....

*closes the notebook with a faint smile of contentment*

*opens her book with care*
Tis nice to have some place to store my thoughts, some way to write what happens at times. Tis nice to have a way to remember things....

Yesterday I was able to visit the trainers. Finally! I began to lose hope of ever becoming a rogue, but I have only one more visit before that time. I still worry about fighting my way through the sea caves to the very last room, but I think that some may be willing to help me.

Many from the Order of the Sword and Stylus have helped me out, encouraging me to keep trying. *grins* Shawna is especially....forceful at times. I find that I no longer feel shy around the people of that guild; they are all so helpful and generally happy. I hope that sometime I might be able to play some songs for them-there are a few I think they would like! Once I become a rogue, I hope that they shall accept me-especially now that my old friend Mae has returned, unexpected, as I did earlier.

Well, I believe I should be off to train now. Lucy probably wants me to level soon, so she may sponsor me into rogue-dom. *grins* Sometimes, she is more enthusiastic about it than I am!!

*blows on the ink to dry it, then carefully stows it in her pack*